i had this thing, this thing where all i wanted was to be a people pleaser. i'd say what they wanted to hear, do what they wanted me to do, keep my mouth shut unless i thought the comment was nessecary. and i've been breaking out of it, but it hasn't left be in the greatest spot. i feel like that tag along girl that it's cool if she';s around but i won't seek her out. her opinion doesn't, she's not the first one i'll invites over, she's alright. i always tried to avoid drama, but now, it kills me. You know when someone's doing something wrong, or saying something less than desirable and you're just dying to retalliate, say something that'll hit em hard but you don't just cause you know it'll make then like you less? it happens way too many times lately, it builds up more and more, brewing, bubbling right below the surface. i tell myself to be the bigger person, let it pass, take the high road ect. ect. but sometimes is it nessesary to go for a bit of a low blow to get a little respect?i've had opprtunities to prove myself, the opportunity where it's me and a person one on one and i have the perfect clever yet slightly snarky phrase that'd put emin their place and let them know i'm onto them. but what do i do? i just smile and i revert to the people pleaser ways. then i go home and kick myself for spoiling my chance for respect. if anyone even thinks they can fool me, i'm already one step ahead. there's no such thing as ignorance is bliss with me, my intuition is clear as a bell, although sometimes i wish it wasn't.i love it when people think they're so sly, "oh poor little hannah won't ever know what i did/said, she's so easy to fool", i just sit back and laugh cause im reading em like a book. the frightening thing is that i can honestly see my future, being that perfect little wife, not saying anything when my husband has one too many drinks and smacks me aroud a lil or i find a shade of lipstick i'd never sport on his collar while washing his shirts. i can't be that girl. i know what i want, and i want what i want. it's time to put on my big girl shoes and possibly throw my ultimate desire for acceptance out the door. it's about time.
hannah.
ps. i know you're reading this alex. i love you.
pss- told you i was good at creepin.
3 comments:
I haven't check out this blog 4 a while, however i believe you can be a people pleaser by just being yourself, but there are some things better left unsaid
I feel that aswell, i just need to find the medium. For myself, it's always better left unsaid, i hate controversy and giving others bad feelings towards myself. i love people's opinions on such topics though.
Sometimes its the same way for me when i have a strong opinion about certain things, but you can possibly word things so they still get the message and isn't as blunt
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